(via pizza)

TAKING MY WASTED FRIEND HOME

howdoiputthisgently:

IT’S LIKE:

I kinda feel bad for any future significant other of mine

Because he or she will have to contend with a bearded man almost twenty years my senior with little to no teeth

And I’m putting my bets on the poor man’s Jesus Christ

asker

Anonymous asked: Dude it's 4:11 in Spain and I have to wake up in 3 hours. Tell me a story to make me fall asleep por favor

officialunitedstates:

un tiempo fue una vaca.  una vaca grande.  muy grande.  me gusta la vaca.  la vaca sabe todo.  la vaca sabe donde vives.  tener cuidado.  el fin. 

(via pizza)

camptakota:

frostingpeetaswounds:

camptakota:

you put the killing thing between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do the killing

you put your mouth on a dirty sign for a tumblr post

i’ve put my mouth on worse


Heyo

camptakota:

frostingpeetaswounds:

camptakota:

you put the killing thing between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do the killing

you put your mouth on a dirty sign for a tumblr post

i’ve put my mouth on worse

Heyo

(via tyleroakley)

officialunitedstates:

im sorry if the fact that I know 1.7 languages is threatening to you

officialunitedstates:

people who know 4+ languages:  calm down save some for the rest of us

I feel like the person who thought up read receipts is actually satan